Life Under Construction

By: Amy Beth Williams

Life under construction:  Experiencing life’s delays, detours and ditches.

For the past several months, I have had the unpleasant experience of road construction right outside my apartment building. Between the jackhammers, bulldozers and orange cones, I am ready for it to be over!

As much as an annoyance this entire project is to me, I have come to realize that my life isn’t much different. God oftentimes has us “under construction” in whatever area He sees fit. First there are the detours. You know, those times when your plan A turned into plan B, turned into Plan Y? It’s when we think we know best and God proves otherwise (and by the way, He is always right). Detours are often necessary for God to test our hearts, grow our faith and to remind us to surrender control and leave the driving to God. We can’t get to our desired destination without His wisdom and guidance.

Secondly, there are the delays. Just when you think the destination is right around the corner, another two months pass, then a year and before you know it, you start to believe God has forgotten you. Waiting is HARD. There is nothing more difficult than waiting on a promise from God without any outward encouragement. The temptation is to take a shortcut but we learned from Abraham and Sarah that it’s better to wait on God than to create a proverbial Ishmael.  Trust His timing. He knows best!

And then there are the ditches. Those places in life where we get stuck and there seems to be no way out. No matter what we do or how hard we try, we feel shipwrecked. I know from my own life, there are many times when the very pit I prayed my way out of was the very place that God was preparing me for the blessing. Just like Joseph, we need to trust that God is in our seemingly helpless situations and is just waiting for us to surrender control so that His glory can be displayed in our lives. There is a purpose even in the ditches of life.

There are few other things about construction I have noticed:

1. It never seems to have an end.

2. Eventually, it does end.

3.  It’s always for a purpose, even when we can’t see it at the time.

We have to remember even when, especially when, God is working on us. Let Him have His way – He knows how to get you to the other side safely. Remember: the orange cones are only temporary!

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding. In all of your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight.” Proverbs 3:5

“The spices were better in Egypt…”

 

 

 

By Amy Williams

I was recently reading a popular fashion magazine over Thanksgiving weekend and I was surprised to find a multi page feature on young women executives in Hollywood thriving in a “boys club” industry. I was intrigued by the list and thought I might know some of the women and read through the article. Page after page, it highlighted women in esteemed, impressive positions with heavyweight titles at various Hollywood studios. Out of nowhere, I was hit with a palpable sadness realizing I was once one of those women on the rise just over a year ago. Maybe I wouldn’t have been featured in the magazine but I felt the pain of everything that was lost. Tears welled but refused to fall. I recalled in that unexpected emotional reaction how much passion, drive and purpose centered around my career for so many years. But it wasn’t the place I was meant to stay. The environment became so toxic and the stress levels so off the charts that I had no choice but to resign. I have learned that when God tells you to go, it’s best to go. It’s better to be in the valley with God than without Him on a mountain top.

I couldn’t help but think of the Israelites. Not long after being set free from generations of captivity and seeing God do miracle after miracle, they began complaining about God’s provision. They quickly became ungrateful and embittered to the point they actually said they were better off in Egypt because the spices were better. Seriously!? Slavery sounded like a better option to them than freedom? How ridiculous. And yet, we seem to often choose our own prison over God’s provision because we mistake the prison for certainty and safety. What a lie from the enemy! Whatever God has called you to step out in, trust Him even when His silence seems deafening. God doesn’t take us into the desert so he can see what we are made of. He already knows. Instead, He allows us to see the color of our hearts when the illusion of control is stripped away and all we have left is Him. It sounds like a consolation prize but in reality, it’s the best place to be for at the end of ourselves we find the beginning of His strength. Perhaps I am not amongst the elite Hollywood executive list, but I am loved by a Father who rescued me from prison. He has taken me out of Egypt and now he is taking the Egypt out of me. I am determined to not go in circles for forty years before getting to the Promise Land but to allow Him to do His work in and through me. Allow him to do the same and you will see Him part your Red Seas.


Hebrews 5:6 Be relaxed with what you have. Since God assured us, “I’ll never let you down, never walk off and leave you,” we can boldly quote,
God is there, ready to help;
I’m fearless no matter what.
Who or what can get to me?

The 3 Postcards…

By: Amy Beth Williams
When God answers prayer, it’s not usually how we expect or when we expect it, but it’s always perfectly timed and perfectly placed. I also love that He specializes in the impossible as it’s the only basis for a miracle.

When I was living in Tampa and working in the NFL right out of college, I had this dream of working in Hollywood that I carried with me since I was in middle school. I had no idea how I would ever get there or if I ever would, but I stepped out in faith and began sending resumes to various studios and production companies, despite hearing that it was “impossible” to get any job in the industry without connections. I felt incredibly confident in prayer that I would be moving to LA and continued to take the steps to get a job. I used my brother’s address (who lived an hour south) as a secondary address to show I had family in California and I was serious about the move. I had a headhunter who lined up several interviews for me with companies (not studios) just to get something, so I booked a trip for a week. When I got there, I found out ALL of them had fallen through for one reason or another. I left the trip incredibly disappointed and confused, wondering if I misheard God. Several months passed and I got a call from Paramount Studios who expressed interest in me. I booked a flight and came out with my hope restored. But when I got there, the HR person (who ended up being an amazing friend) told me I was overqualified and canceled the interview. He told me he would look for the “perfect” fit and encouraged me to believe that I was an ideal candidate and he would fight for me. But I left in tears. Another broken road to a dead end interview.

I returned to my job in Tampa, which was a second assistant to the owners. I figured He must have a purpose for me where I was and became close with my coworker who was not a Christian. We began to have deep discussions about faith and God and I had the opportunity to lead her to The Lord. Not long after, she gave her notice when her husband got a job out of town. Suddenly I was the new Executive Assistant, the youngest in the entire NFL and along with that came a significant raise. I concluded that I was meant to stay where I was but my heart still longed for the dream deep inside me. Within a month. I was shocked to get another call from Paramount saying they found the job for me. I was scared to hope but when I drove through the Paramount gates the second time, I had this undeniable, overwhelming sense that it was going to be my new home. The interview went well as far as I could tell and I left with an even stronger desire to be there. Within a few weeks, I received the phone call that would change my life forever: I got the marketing job at Paramount Television. It surpassed my greatest hope and dreams! In that moment I realized, had I gotten the job when I wanted it, they would not have matched my new salary and I wouldn’t have had a chance to witness to my coworker.

When I got to Los Angeles, my brother showed me 3 postcards from Paramount that arrived to his address for me during my 6-month job search. I flipped them over and they were all rejection postcards. Not one but 3! He told me he held onto them as to not discourage me in the process since I felt so strongly that God was going to open the door here. I still have the postcards framed as a reminder that God is working even when, especially when, we don’t see it. Never doubt in the dark what God shows you in the light. Even in the delay, trust His purposes are for your good and they will be revealed in due time.
“

All things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose,” Romans 8:28

YOUR expectations of ME are fulfilled. Oh, how about now? Or now? Or now?

(by Julie Lucia)

When I was in high school, a boy handed me a note with my name scribbled across it, connected to a large arrow that pointing its way to his rendition of a dog. Unfortunately, it wasn’t my first “dog” picture that I had received. A girl in middle school had written it over my yearbook picture.  Middle school was awful, but by the time I got to high school, I realized that these people were severely disturbed to offer such opinions.  I remember bringing the note home to my mom and with my best friend, we laughed at his attempt to demean me.  I had felt confident enough by then in who I was and who I was becoming. The boy did later apologize for it.  (By handing me another note, of all things!)

It wasn’t until I was in my early twenties when I had the unfortunate experience of meeting someone who did not like me at all.  No matter what I did, or what I said, I was never good enough for her.  She told me awful, hurtful things.  I didn’t cook right, my nails weren’t polished, I was even told that I was different because I didn’t care about my appearance.  (Yes, she should be ashamed of herself.) But, after many years later and lots of therapy (just kidding), I realized that it was she that was insecure and felt threatened by a 21 year old who was dating her son.  I had always been happy with who I am until I tried to mold myself into her expectations.  Needless to say, the relationship didn’t work out. What good came out of this?  After 20 years later you can guess who influenced my villain in Happenstance!

I have had to deal with others’ unrealistic expectations of me through my work and even my close relationships.  I had one boss who everyday threatened to let me go.  Everyday! Can you imagine going to work everyday hearing that?  It wasn’t until I was laid off from that job, did I really thank the good Lord that I was out of there!  I remember crying the night before and then extremely joyful when I awoke the next day.  I felt such freedom!

Remember that you will never fulfill everyone’s expectations of you. There are too many, they are too high and too unrealistic.  They are what others hold you to, not what God holds you to.  Some people will always be my biggest critic, it just the way they are.  Whether I work or am unemployed, don’t write like Hemmingway, don’t have the most updated possessions, or my kids’ dinner consists of Chef Boyardee.  It’s all so ridiculous!  I am special for me. I am who God created me to be.  This is what you get, the minivan, Tracphone, mom of three, self-published author.  And if it makes someone happy when I fail, then how great is it that I could make someone smile today.

Romans 14:7-8 – For none of us lives for ourselves alone, and none of us dies for ourselves alone. If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord.

Displacement Disorder

 

By Amy Williams

Ever since I was a kid, I have had this chronic problem with identifying acquaintances when I see them out of context of the normal setting. I like to call it “displacement disorder”. When I was in 5th grade, I was surprised to see my uncle at the grocery store since he lived in a different town but we had a great conservation. I found my mom and brought her over to say hello. From a distance she spotted the familiar face and said “that’s not your uncle, that’s your music teacher!” As in my current music teacher…who I had to see the next day! The worst part is, they shared the same first name. I never realized how much they looked alike.

You would think I would grow out of it, but it has only gotten more comical. When I was working in the NFL at a home game, I was asked by the owners to get a football signed by the legendary hockey player, Wayne Gretzky, who was in the next suite. (I kid you not, I actually forgot his name just now and had to Google it). I confidently opened the door to the guest suite only to find about 30 hockey players who all looked like a possible Wayne Gretzky. A kind man noticed my paralyzed stats and came over to talk to me. He was so friendly that after 10 minutes of conversing I felt comfortable enough to ask for his help. I quietly admitted my embarrassment for not knowing who Wayne Gretzky was and asked if he could point him out to me in the crowd. Then came the humiliating news: He was Wayne Gretsky! Ugh. Thankfully he found it endearing and even invited me to the game that night where he was going to give me a signed hockey puck.

Then I got a job in Hollywood and it got worse. I ran into this guy at Paramount who went to my church who I only knew from afar,. I introduced myself and mentioned the affiliation. He insisted that he didn’t go to church at all, much less mine. I thought he was just trying to play it cool since he was with a couple of guys. I found it curious that someone would lie about going to church. Later that night, I was watching television and realized I was wrong. I didn’t know the guy from church. I knew him from “Survivor”, which is why he looked so familiar. In all fairness, he did look like the guy from my church.

One of the funniest times was when I was eating lunch at an outdoor mall with some friends in Los Angeles and asked a guy to take a picture. He got up and started to put his arm around me and I was like “what is this guy doing??” I handed him my camera and he looked a little taken aback but finally snapped a photo of me and my friends. One of my friends asked how he was doing and wondered if he was still living in New York. Wow, what a coincidence that they knew each other! When I asked my friend how he knew him, through clenched teeth he responded “Well, Amy, this is Will Forte from Saturday Night Live.” Right…of course.

Given my complete inability to remember names or even people, I find it so comforting to know that God not only knows us by name, he also knows every detail of our lives, including how many hairs are on our head. Even when we feel alone or prayers go unanswered, He is near to us and longs for us to trust the one who made us and who will never forget us.


Like 12: 7
Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

Ouch! I Didn’t Know That Still Hurt.

(by Julie Lucia)

Last night I took two of my children to their rehearsal for The Christmas Carol.  Before we left I was confronted by one of the director’s.  She asked me if we knew anyone who could take the character my daughter was supposed to play before she was cast as someone else.  I went to bed considering who we should ask to fill the part.  Then suddenly I felt fearful.  A rush of panic enveloped me from an old wound that I was suddenly reminded of.  What happened to me when I was a child, could it happen to my daughter as well?

About her age I was cast in a play and my family and I went on vacation. When we returned my part (which was a really good part) was given to someone else.  Imagine how that stung.  I was able to keep my solo, but it still was a bit of a slap in the face. (Especially, when I always had this sneaky suspicion that the girl who took my part always felt she had to outdo me in some capacity.)  I don’t remember ever thinking twice about it when the production was over.  But now the memory of it came rushing forward threatening me and my child. But it wasn’t a real threat.  I had lived through it and if so be it, so would my daughter.

How many times does painful circumstances from even decades past come in and remind us of our failures?  We must be careful not to dwell on these memories too long but think about how God must have worked out his perfect plan with them.  Maybe she is an actress on Broadway now and that part she stole (just kidding), the part that was given to her, my part, kick-started a new dream within her.  Or, as we know how God works, should I say the big E word…Empathy?  Yes, only through empathy can we truly help others.  I laugh at the saying “Misery loves Company,” but to be truthful, when I know that someone has gone through the same trial and is still able to be happy and content and is still alive to talk about it, now that’s encouragement!

Philemon 1:7 – Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the Lord’s people.

“The Girl With A Broken Smile”

Written By: Amy Beth Williams
As I was brushing my teeth this morning, I was reminded of the prolonged season in my childhood, or let’s say near decade, of wearing braces. You know, silver kind that could land a plane in the middle of a lightening storm.

When I  was a kid, I hated going to the dentist, okay loathed it. To the point where my mom wouldn’t tell me we were going until we pulled into the parking lot because she knew I would worry myself sick for days, weeks and even months leading up to the impending doom. But the day would eventually come. I was in fourth grade this one particular surprise visit when I saw the dreaded dentist sign. I swallowed hard as we walked up to the cold brick building with the sterile door and sterile people inside wearing white coats sitting behind the sterile counter, I could hear the sound of taps playing in my head. A death march as it seemed to my 10-year-old understanding. The endless appointment was an assault with various silver instruments (weapons as I like to call them) and unending torture. Peering into my mouth, the dentist’s eyes widened as though he was staring at a burn victim. I remember him over-analyzing my bite and my newly emerging adult front teeth. My mouth was an abyss of misfit teeth and a jaw that didn’t get the memo of how big my teeth would be to accommodate them. He pulled my mom out of the room to “discuss” the matter. I could only hear scattered words that included “extraction…under bite, correction and other alarming adjectives and verbs. I wanted to escape but the chair held me captive and sucked me in like a vacuum.

I somehow remarkably escaped the cold office without any follow up appointments and I rejoiced in the dentist-free 6 months to come. As a reward for going to the dentist, my amazing, loving parents took me to my favorite place: Chuck E. Cheese. I was in my glory playing ski ball and eating pizza that tasted like cardboard with cheese that never melted. As I took another bite, I admired the new plastic ring i purchased for 100 hard earned game tickets. I glanced at my smiling parents thinking how happy I was to be at my favorite place with my great family. Then came the news: “Honey, we talked to the dentist today and he said you need braces” . My throat began to close as the cardboard pizza went down hard, leaving skid marks on my esophagus. I retorted “well of course you told him that you weren’t going to make me get them, right?” Their silence answered my fear-filled question. I couldn’t believe what was happening. My own parents were betraying me! Selling me out to the teeth murderer. I was innocent, trusting and naive enough to think my own parents would never will for me to endure pain. Much less PAY for it! Suddenly the pizza and the ring were overshadowed by the nightmare that played through my head. As the conversation went on, I learned I wasn’t just getting the basic package, I was getting “the works”. Pulled teeth, rubber bands, and even the friend repellant apparatus to fix my under bite, which I refused to wear. I was a “special” case…for seven dreadful years!

It was about as bad as I had anticipated. By the time I reached high school my patient folder was thicker than a phone book and I was on the third volume. Even the concrete impression of my teeth was decaying after so many years of siting in his glass case that was meant for trophies. There were so many stages of the process that were excruciatingly painful. I remember my mom telling me whenever I would complain that I would that them one day. My reply: NEVER!

Flash forward to adulthood. The one thing I am constantly told is that I have a beautiful smile. It was at an Emmy party not too long ago that a guest told me that my teeth were beautiful and I should thank my parents for either really good genes or getting me braces. It was then that my dear sweet mom’s comment reverberated in my head and I knew what I had to do. I called my parents the next day and officially thanked them for choosing the painful road of braces because they were wise enough to know that a beautiful smile is worth the pain and humiliation to endure for a little while. I hate to admit it, but they were right. How much more God knows what is best for us, even when it involves pain and a sense of betrayal. His heart for us is good and we can’t always understand His plan when we are going through an undesirable season or even decade. But in due time, we will see that he does work all things together for good…And that makes me smile.

Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in The Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your path straight”
Romans 8:28: God works all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

A Table For One

(by Julie Lucia)

Picture a sweet child about 11 years old; a kind heart, a trusting soul, a little shy, and sometimes a little awkward.  Now picture that child sitting at a lunch table alone.  Now picture that child as your own child.  Does it hurt a little?  Does it make you cringe a little?  Does it make you a a tiny bit upset that they seem to go unnoticed?  Are you thanking the good Lord right now that it is not your child?  Well don’t worry, it’s not your child, it is mine.  What do you say to a child whose heartbreaks as he goes to middle school for the first time and realizes there is no one he calls a friend?

I know how vicious others can be and I worry that he will be the target of the cruelty one day that sometimes I myself have endured.  You know, that neon sign that hangs above you where everyone can see that says, “Alone”?   Everyone at one time has felt that marquee blinking above them as if they were starring in their own loneliness production.  Even when it is felt in a room full of those you call friends or family, the hurt is still very real.  We might feel as if we are the only one without friends, only one single, only one without children, or even the only one without a job.  Whatever the marquee might say, it makes one feel alienated from others.  I have found there is only one who can change the marquee above each one of us…our Creator.  We need to remember that he is always with us.  He promised that he would never leave us or forsake us.  So, we can rest assure that even when we look like we are alone, we never are.  He is right there, holding our hand, encouraging us and giving us a new perspective on our circumstances.  I know that He is there with my son in the cafeteria at the tables filled with children and even at a table for one.

Joshua 1:9 – Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Mind the Gap

 

 (By Amy Williams)

Have you ever be on the Underground in England? If you have (or even if you haven’t), you’re probably quite familiar with the expression, “Mind the Gap”. In other words, “don’t fall in the gap or you might get run over and die”.  Pleasant thought. But there in lies the paradox with God. We often find ourselves in the gap of life by His design. You know, that dark, hallow empty place that feels at times like a mistake. If you have ever been in transition, you know what I am talking about. I know it well.  I left a lofty and lucrative Hollywood career last year when I began to see my health and quality of life decline rapidly. There was a sense of pride that came along with the title and it was my childhood dream to be in the industry.  But I was dying inside and my nerves were shredded. What once was a fulfilling and exciting career path suddenly felt like a proverbial noose around my neck. The tightness varied from day to day but yet it was always there, threatening to destroy me.

God confirmed it was time for me to leave my fourteen years of success in the “business”. Scary. Uncertain. Inconceivable. But Freeing. One year later, I am still trying to unlearn the misconceptions and lies I began to believe about the world and myself as a result of the job that became my prison. I lost who I was outside of the deadlines, the demands, the 24/7 work day and the satisfaction and thrill of launching television shows.  What scared me the most was the question: “Who are you outside of the Hollywood spotlight?” A scary question that I was afraid to answer, and yet it was a question begging for an answer. I know my identity in Christ is the only true identity, but the battle ensues daily in this town. Everyone wants to be someone. Everyone wants to feel significant. There is a real fear of being ordinary or even worse, a failure. I always thought of an idol as carved, wooden statue of some sort. But it’s whatever sets up a throne in our hearts other than God, clamoring for our worship. And Hollywood is a town of mega idols. You can take this to the bank: Whatever possession, person, position you place above God is considered an idol and it will fail you and eventually undo you.  If we don’t choose to dethrone it ourselves, then God will do it for us because He loves us too much to let us stay in our sin.

What I have learned after leaving my position is how much weight I put on my career and the applause of others. I am ashamed to admit the amount of significance I derived from success and recognition. So here I am, learning to stand on the rock that doesn’t move and to be content in His identity alone. It’s the scariest place to stand because you feel exposed and vulnerable to the elements, but it is only secure foundation. I am a work in progress, but I am thankful for the gap. It is the place where He has my undivided attention. It is the place where I am becoming more like Him. We cannot escape the gap without His hand to lift us up in due time. The gap is there for a purpose. Rest in assurance that He won’t leave you there one minute past His appointed time. It’s all for a purpose far greater than we can understand. Instead of looking ahead, or looking behind for impending danger, look up. He is there. It may feel like a gap in the underground, but it’s better to be in the gap with God than in the spotlight alone. There is no glory found in ourselves, only in Him.

“If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers – most of which are never even seen – don’t you think he will attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I am trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. but you know both God and how he works. Step your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Give your full attention to what God is doing right now. Don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time come. ” Matthew 6: 30-34 (The Message)

Adventurer

(By Julie Lucia)

I am writing this as I just sent out another resume.  It baffles me how hard it is to know what you want to do in life.  My prior jobs have included cleaning office buildings (yes, including the bathrooms), retail, marketing & PR, babysitter, realtor, and author.  I am sure there are plenty more that my subconscious is still trying to block out.

You think at my age I would know, I would have everything mapped out.  Unfortunately, I am not following my map, but God’s and he not only did not give me a map, I am GPSless.  Although, he did give me a manual, say a survival guide, to help me get through my life.  It makes me think of an adventurer who is given a compass and survival skills and then sent into the forest.  The adventurer might encounter many hardships throughout his journey; bears, lack of food & water, finding shelter in a storm, maybe encountering others who may or may not be trustworthy.  He knows using his skills that he learned and memorized from his survival guide that he can get through to the other side.  He might be a little bruised, a litter scarred, a little famished.  But, what is waiting for him at the end is the accomplishment of not going around the forest, but going through it, learning new skills as he goes.  And that is how I see my own life in comparison.  I am the adventurer.  I will go through trials and tribulations.  I will not go around because I don’t need to.  I have my survival manual, the bible.  I know that I can get through any circumstance; maybe a little scarred, a little bruised, but so much better because I believe every word of my survival manual.  And when I get through my forest I know who waits for me on the other side.

James 1:2-4 – Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking in anything.